I have not written on this blog for a while and the widget at the bottom of the page no longer shows the number of months left till my graduation. That is because I have completed it: I finished my teacher training by passing my final assessment last week. I should be happy, but if I’m honest I can’t quite feel neither joy nor satisfaction.
I feel I lost a close knit family, companions who travelled together for two years towards an unknown destination, different for each of us. People who opened up and shared their thoughts and feelings, that were supportive and understanding and towards whom I have grown respect and affection. Of course I’ll continue to see some of them regularly, but our lives will not be marked by the regular monthly meetings of our modules, nor the phone ringing about oh my god what are we writing about this or that.
Last week I have also finally said goodbye to my late friend Gareth, after unprocessed feelings dwelling in my heart and many questions left hanging; unfortunately those unanswered questions will remain unanswered. Last time I saw him it was the day we interviewed for the teacher training, and I can only wryly smile at the irony of life with its powerful circularity. Gaz, my teaching qualification is dedicated to you.
And here is one new beginning: I’ll be assisting my teachers for the next teacher training. As an assistant, I sat in interviews with my tutor, this time on a different side. I thought about Gaz many times when we were chatting to the new applicants.
And another beginning is that I’ll be teaching every Sunday from 26 July 2015 at The YogaNest, in Bethnal Green, London.
Endings and beginning at the same time. Just like the end and the beginning of a breath.