Yesterday I practised yoga on my patio, the one Natasha and I are so proud of but you haven’t seen. I laid down two mats, one for you and one for me.
I met you so long ago I cannot remember; we didn’t know each other that well and always met because we were brought together by somebody else. But we liked each other.
Then one day, I randomly found you in a yoga workshop – you came to say hello in your green top as I didn’t see you. I was surprised to see you there as yoga and the-Gaz-I-knew didn’t go together, but so pleased at the same time cause I had discovered a side of you that I didn’t know before.
We coupled up in the workshop and we were asked to discuss what was our vision of an ideal future. I came up with some self-centred comment of “being more understanding of myself” while you shyly and simply said in a small voice “I would like to have a family”. That also was a surprise, and I felt honoured that you were comfortable enough to share that wish with me.
We talked about yoga and meditation, the fact that I was flexible while you were strong, and I also told you that I was going to apply for the teacher training course. You called me a few days later saying that you wanted to do that too and you were going to give it a try. I was very happy – how amazing would have been if we both managed to get in!
Last time I saw you we spent the day in Primrose Hill for the interview for the training course. You had bought some new hot pants to go to Bikram which made me laugh as they were super revealing. We went to the bookshop on the hill and you asked the man to dig out some obscure books about gems; or was that jewellery? Then we went to buy some flip flops for me and you laughed as my last pair caused me to sprain my ankle and I was still hopping.
We had lunch on the hill and you were telling me how you calculated how much the course would cost per hour. I was stunned – I would never think to work out how much an hour cost, but then I thought ‘he is an accountant after all!”
In the evening we went for dinner at that Italian place nearby. I went to look for it a couple of days ago and it is not there anymore; somehow I felt better about not being able to find it at the time, but I don’t feel like that now, I don’t want to forget.
We agreed that the first one to hear about the course would tell the other. I heard first and you were disappointed; you weren’t offered a place in the end, so you stayed in London for little longer and then took off to travel to Asia. Few days ago, a friend of yours wrote a comment online about the fact that you wanted to settle there and become a yoga teacher – from that comment I learnt that you still wanted to do it.
Lately, I have been complaining a lot about how intense and tiring this training is, and I felt stressed when my friends wanted to see me and I had to say ‘no’. I have learnt many lessons this week, but two of them are: 1) I’ll stop seeing offers to meet up as stressful but will look at them as acts of love, and 2) I’ll find the time to balance it all out and spend time with them. Because it is important to tell and show people you love that you love them.
I will now carry on this training with renewed motivation: I want to be the best yoga teacher I can ever be in your honour and memory dear Gaz, yoga buddy for too short a time.